Chapter X -The Announcement

The very next morning as I dragged my tired bones out of bed (I hate mornings!), and went through the routine of trying to figure out what to wear, I couldn’t get the ‘check’ out of my mind. It had been bothering me all night. Something about it just wasn’t ‘kosher’. It was double what it should have been. The lawyer’s first letter had stated that my share was to be half of a ten thousand dollar CD. Uncle Morris was supposed to get the second half. There must have been a mix up. Was I suppose to mail him half the funds? I decided to call the Law firm later that day and question its authenticity.
The dogs were sprawled across the bed in their usual position so I guess Jim had come early like he had been doing of late to take them out. He would come around five in the morning and take them for their walk which was really ridiculous, but typical. I guess he would do anything to avoid having to see or talk to me. On the night stand he had left some cash, his bi-weekly ‘contribution’ of $150.00.
While I searched for shoes, I happened to notice something that I had been oblivious of the night before. There was an empty space in the entertainment/bookcase in the bedroom. The VHS player was missing. I guessed Jim had decided to take it as one of the things he wanted from the house. Well at least he left the CD player and the TV! At least I had the DVD player downstairs in the living room. I guess I could do without it for now I just wondered what other items he had chosen to take to his new place and share with her. “What ever!” I would just buy all new things when I moved!
As I headed downstairs there were other things I found missing, the most obvious being a framed print of a painting by Lee Teter called ‘Vietnam Reflections’ on the wall in the living room. It is a very moving portrait of a business man standing at the Vietnam Wall in Washington DC touching the wall and reflecting on the comrades who did not return. I had given Jim this picture for Father’s Day one year. We had been to the memorial together. Jim was a vet and he had wanted me to see it. I was glad he had chosen to take it with him. At least he had something I had given him.
There were a few other items as well. A few DVD’s, and pictures of the kids and dogs including Abba, our great white Pyrenees whom we had for nearly twelve years and ruled the house. I guess the house still had some fond memories but right now I didn’t want to wallow in the past, I just wanted to start anew.
At work I was feeling pretty good about myself and the future and I was anxious to share it with my sisters. Joy and I sat in her office and I regaled her over coffee and Danish with a monologue of my trip. I then asked if she, Jan and Ann could come over for dinner the next night as I had important news to tell them. I had decided to get them all together so that I could get their input of my crazy scheme and to judge their reaction. We called Ann to ask if she would be busy and then Jan. I was relieved that they all said yes but not surprised. They had been my stanch supporters and allies since this had all begun and even before that they had been my closest friends.
I tried to call the Lawyer at his office but was told that he would be on vacation for the week, so at lunch I went to the bank and deposited the check along with the cash Jim had so ‘generously’ given me. At least while I was waiting to hear back from the attorney the money might as well earn some interest!
After work I went grocery shopping, took the dogs for a walk, then sat down to make a call to Elizabeth. I was sure that Jamie must have said something to her but I wanted to talk to her about it as openly as I could. Surprisingly Jamie had said nothing. What a good son. He didn’t want her hearing about it second hand.
Liz was amazingly excited for me. She had nothing but high praise for my decision and was completely in agreement with my resolution. She even went so far as to call me “a renaissance woman” in taking such a big adventurous step.
This was a surprise considering our first conversation after Jim’s announcement to her and her brother that he was ending it. We had talked on the phone at work where she said that she was not surprised by the news. She had been very direct saying that she knew it was coming, after all we rarely talked to each other any more and that we would be better off separating. Those words had stung at the time and the coldness with which she had spoken had hurt deeply. I had taken it as a reproach and that somehow she had felt it had been my fault for what had happened. It had taken me awhile to get over it but I had come to realize in some ways she had been right. I had taken things for granted and had put blinders on because I could not face the truth. Liz was so much like my mother, direct and practical. Mummy would never let me waddle in my own self pity nor let me put the blame on someone else. “Your life, your responsibility” she was fond of saying. Elizabeth was just reiterating that fact in her own words.
But now she was praising me for my spirit to take a leap and do something utterly unpredictable and different. And she was backing me one hundred percent.

The girls arrived the next evening. It was the first time they had all been to my house for dinner or for any occasion except Joy. As we sat down and passed around the food I told them I had an announcement to make. Jan gave a mocking look of uh oh ‘what happened now’? I told them of my trip and some of the things I had done, seen and liked. Then I told them of all the new construction of homes being built and how my Uncle had taken me around to some of the newest houses and how he was a real estate broker. Then I showed them the brochures I had brought back with me of some of the models I had seen. Finally I told them of my desire to move to Albuquerque within a year. “That’s terrific”; “Wow”; “you go girl!” These words all came without hesitation or reservations. They were really happy for me and very supportive. We then sat around discussing plans of selling the house, getting on with the divorce, and finding a job. Joy and Ann suggested looking into a transfer with the Company. We knew that we had offices in the Southwest and retail stores in Albuquerque but did they have a business services division in the region. I would have to check but all three were confident that with my skills and mind set I could easily find a position, but we agreed that I would have to have one in place before I moved.
The rest of the evening we just sat around and talked, taking pot shots at Jim, wondering what to do with the animals and how much work I would need to do on the house before trying to sell it. Most importantly was getting it in my name and what other compensations I would want from the divorce.

The next day I went to work invigorated and feeling very organized and determined. I searched our company web page to see if there were indeed any offices in New Mexico and was delighted to fine that we had a business division in Albuquerque. The best part…there would be a job opening up in the summer for an office administrator. They currently had a temp who would be leaving in August of next year because her husband was to be transferred to the East Coast. When the company budget was determined in June the job would then be posted. Here was clue number three that I was on the right track.
I breezed through the day feeling so good I was worried that I was somehow dreaming this whole thing. Could my luck be this good? Everything seemed to be coming together so well. This was the best birthday month I had had in a very long time.
I knew there would be a lot of things I still needed to do, after all there was no guarantee that I would be able to get the job, but I at least had an inside tip to go on, and a strategy to work with.
Ann called and said she would meet me at my house after work because she wanted to give me something. I didn’t have a clue of what she was up to. When she arrived on my doorstep I had to laugh. She was carrying a load of flatted boxes and bubble wrap all brand new. As we sat them on the table I made the comment “trying to get rid of me already?” to which she replied, “well, if we’re going to do this, we might as well do it right!” I had to agree. No procrastinations, no delaying, just forge ahead and get to work. We started with the dinning room.

Chapter IX - The List

Plane trips have a very soothing affect on me. I love it because it is the closest I can get to floating on a cloud. Of course my real desire is to float in outer space, but that’s another quest entirely and one I do not realistically foresee in my immediate future. But the possibility of moving out of my home state and across the country was a real possibility and an exciting prospect.
Usually a half hour after reaching altitude and cruising speed I am fast asleep. Plane rides do that to me, but not this trip. I was wide awake and my mind was going warp speed with images of living in New Mexico. No more cold winters and piles of snow. No more March winds and April rain clouds that overshadow the whole city and leave a gloomy pallor before fulfilling the promise of spring days to come. No more depressing Novembers where the trees stand naked and sad without their leaves and flowers swaying in the summer breeze. And no more Jim! Okay, that’s a bit much. I would be missing the bright colors of spring, the weekend trips to the shore and the two weeks of the brilliant palate of fall colors covering the country sides, but there still would be no Jim.
I am not unaware that New Mexico is basically a desert with cactus, tumbleweeds and only small patches of green grass. And then there is the fact that there are few rivers and no lakes and no ocean view. But it also has magnificent sunsets of red and orange and a mountainous area where the sun and moon rise in a glorious fanfare. And it displays the night sky with more dazzle and sparkle then I could ever find in New Jersey. It could fill my dreams with renewed spirit and renewed self worth.
Of course there were other things to consider, Elizabeth and Jamie and the grandkids, my dearest and closest friends who had become my sisters in every way and my sister Chris whom I rarely got to see but whom had always been in my thoughts especially after Mummy had died. How would they perceive my plans? Would they think harshly of my wanting to escape and find adventure far away?
Technically, New Mexico was only 6 hours away but it would mean planned visits instead of just getting into my car and driving down the road. In New Mexico I would be pretty much on my own. Yes there was Uncle Ron but he was getting up in age and besides he and Barbara I knew absolutely no one else in the region. Okay, there’s a challenge! Could I get a job, buy a house, adjust to the changes physically, socially, economically and psychologically? Okay, that would be another challenge. Yet everything in my heart cried out that I wanted to try, that I had to try. I was being handed a rare opportunity to explore something different, something totally new and bold.
Reaching under my seat I took out my laptop and began to type. I needed to make a list of what, how when and where. I already had the why. By the time we reached Philadelphia I had an organizational plan. I knew what I needed to do and an idea of how to achieve it.
Phase one would be to tell everyone of my trip and to share my feelings of its impact. This would be the hardest step as I always had trouble expressing my feelings and ideas except when I wrote and that always felt like I was talking about a character in some fantastic work of fiction. This approach would cement my resolve and to get much needed input of just how crazy I was. It would also transform the dream into a reality and goal. Retrieving my bags, I moved toward the exit. Jamie was to pick me up and lucky for him he would be my first test with this crazy idea.
Fortunately Jamie was on time and helpful with the bags. I let him do the driving because even though I was still ‘pumped’ (I think the term is still accurate enough) I knew I would be crashing soon with the time change and jet lag. I first gave him a hug and a kiss and thanked him again for having fronted me for the trip. He considered it my birthday and Christmas present.
For a moment in this narrative I must pause and recall something I missed in the last chapter. I had spent my fifty seventh birthday New Mexico. Rhonda and I, whose birthday is also in November had been taken out by Uncle Ron and Barbara to a fine Italian restaurant in a section of town called Nob Hill. Though the city was way smaller than Philadelphia it still had many of the amenities including nice restaurants and quaint shops. Yes it was another check on the positive side of why I should move to Albuquerque. Another was that Albuquerque had one less letter in its name then Philadelphia, but it’s just as much fun to spell!
Getting back to the drive home I led off by describing some of the many things I saw and liked about the city as well as the many differences. Jamie listened and nodded, asked questions and seemed distantly interested. Children are liked that. It’s so hard sometimes sharing things between two generations these days but that’s the way it is sometimes. As we cruised across the Delaware and into New Jersey I finally popped the news. I told him of my interest and desire to move to New Mexico, sort of a pre- retirement move. He now perked up and seemed excited. He liked the idea and really thought it was cool. (Well ‘cool’ may have not been the real words he used. That’s more my generation.) Anyway he said I should definitely go for it. I knew he wasn’t just saying it for my benefit and that he was really pleased by my decision and my adventurism.
I began to outline the stages I was planning to reach my goal and he offered a number of suggestions, some I had considered already and a few details that would be important in the months ahead. He asked when I thought I would be able to achieve all of this which I had thought long and hard about on the trip home. It was now the beginning of November. My plan was to be able to move hopefully by September the following year, a change of season, a change of life so to speak. My biggest concern was if I could find a job out there. I would have to have one in place before I moved. My second consideration was being able to get our house solely into my hands so that I could sell it and have a ‘stake’. Getting a divorce would be a no brainer. Jim was already pushing me enough for one but I wanted to make sure I got it on my terms and by my rules. I just had to make sure I waited until after March of the following year. That way he could not dispute my claims for cause of desertion.
As we arrived home and I took my first look at the house since four days ago, I was surprised to realize I hadn’t really missed being here. With Jim gone I felt little attachment to it, a void. Thinking further I was ashamed of my feelings. How could I dismiss all the years we had lived here so easily? All I knew was that it made me sad to be here and I had to get away.
Upon entering, the dogs came running up to me as if excited to see me. I was surprised that they were at the house already. Jamie said that Jim had not taken them to his other place but had come by each day to walk and feed them. This was sad. What was he thinking? Was he trying to abandon them as well? This was unbelievable! I accepted his leaving me but these two I thought he would care more about. Thank goodness Jamie had been around for part of the days even though he worked and went to school at night. Tired as I was we took them for a walk and I tried to make since of the strange turning of events. It was like seeing the man I married turn into a stranger made of stone. Now I was more determined to move away, and I decided that somehow I would be taking the dogs with me if I had to. Unless Jim was willing to explain his lack of empathy by not having been with them while I was gone, he didn’t desire to keep them. It would be hard taking the two of them but it would be worse separating them.
Returning to the house, all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and fall into my own bed. After all I had to go back to work the next day. I noticed on the kitchen counter a stack of envelopes. Jamie had piled the mail neatly for me. As I went through it, I noticed an envelope with the name of a law firm on it. Opening it there was a letter and a check attached to it. It was from my late aunt’s attorney. The check was for $8,900.00! What the heck! I had been expecting half that much! I just stared at it and smiled. Whoo who!! Here was my second clue that I could change my future. I was going to be okay. I was going to make it. I was going to move to New Mexico and have the adventure of a lifetime!

Chapter VIII - The City of Illumination

Uncle Ron’s initial reaction was a “Kodak Moment” I only wish I had a camera to capture. The entire operation had worked flawlessly and was well worth the trip.
As we gathered in the house I got my first look and impressions of what it was like to be in the Southwest. It was a modest two story town home with mosaic tile floors, a fireplace in the living room, ceiling to floor windows, hand woven rugs and art work from local talent. The kitchen though small overlooked the dining area and a view of the garden with its covered patio and walkway that led to the garage. Everywhere there were plants, some potted and some hanging from the ceiling. Upstairs there were three bedrooms including the master bedroom with its own baconey that offered a view of the buildings in the heart of the city. There was a small telescope on a tripod and it seemed ready for viewing as the moon rose in the east.
For being the largest city in New Mexico, it was relatively quiet except for a helicopter that was nearing a building to my left and landed on the roof of a hospital nearby. Oddly there were no sirens or honking car horns, no loud music from neighbors or any of the usual sounds you often learn to ignore but are always aware of in most metropolitan areas.
As we gathered in the dining area and got comfortable we spent the next several hours drinking wine and reliving the past with Nana and Granddad and growing up in Philadelphia. Rhonda and I told him the story of how we planned and plotted our surprise trip here perhaps embellishing just a little the sequence of events that had brought us together. To add to the surprise I took out the pictures I had brought with me of Nana and Granddad and other family members as well as photographs of my children and grandchildren. It was a fun first evening with lots of reminiscing of happy times sprinkled with a little gossip or two.
As we ended the day and prepared for bed, I was exhausted but pleased with how things had worked out. All fears and anxiety had faded and I was relaxed and happy that I had made the trip.

On Friday Uncle Ron took us on a tour of the city including Central Avenue which was also the throughway for the famous Route 66. Built in the 30’s during and after the great depression, Route 66 had run from Chicago to Los Angeles. Called the “Mother Road” in John Steinbeck’s immortal book, the “Grapes of Wrath”, it crossed eight states, ran through the Rockies and out to the Pacific. It was a popular way across scenic America in the forties and fifties bringing tourism and money to some of the smaller towns and cities including Albuquerque. And in Albuquerque they continued the mystic along Central Avenue with frequent signs, banners and hotels that looked right out of the fifties with their Art Deco décor, museums, outdoor restaurants, antique shops, a refurbished train and bus depot and a small village called Old Town.
Founded in 1706, Old Town was where the city originally began. Home of San Felipe de Neri Church which still stands and is a great attraction to the natives as well as tourist, it is surrounded by homes and buildings over 300 years old, many of which are listed on the National Register of Historic Places. The village is distinctly Southwestern with its thick adobe walled structures, many of which have been converted into shops and restaurants. It is the focal point of Albuquerque’s community life with winding brick paths, wrought iron and adobe bancos (benches) and over a 100 shops and boutiques. In the center is a large gazebo where people can meet, bands often play and even a wedding or two takes place. There are working art studios and an outdoor artisan area where craftsman and women design jewelry and sell on the spot. It reminded me of a place in Pennsylvania I often went called New Hope which was the Hippie Haven of the sixties.

On Saturday we visited Uncle Ron’s office. A Real Estate Broker, Uncle Ron had a two story office with several agents. He showed us maps of the city that seemed to indicate that this was a still growing town with lots of areas under construction from homes to businesses. Albuquerque was certainly expanding.
As we left and prepared to go to dinner, I got my first real view of an extraordinary sight I had not notice before and it gave me pause and no words except “Holy Pickle Juice”!
On Thursday we had arrived at night so I hadn’t seen it. Friday had been overcast so it had eluded my vision and we had traveled mostly west in the city. But today driving back toward the east to a restaurant near the University of New Mexico, I got my first real view of the mountains. Growing up in Philadelphia, I rarely got the opportunity to see mountains which were further westward in Pennsylvania. Living in New Jersey which is topographically flat land, I never saw a mountain range. Now I was face to face with a majestic sight.
It was late afternoon but not near sunset. Behind me the sun was bathing light and coloring the mountains in orange, gold, green and reds. Here was the Sandias Mountains rising thousands of feet above the city. For a moment my mouth hung open as I stared in awe at this astonishing wonder. You could still see the blue sky behind it which looked like background scenery in a painting. It made me think of a huge dyna-rama display you might see in a museum. I just couldn’t get over that it was real.
Sandia is the Spanish word for watermelon. As the sun slowly moved toward the western horizon the mountains glowed in watermelon colors. Jersey would never be the same after seeing this!

On Sunday, Uncle Ron treated us to a tour of some of the many newly constructed home sights up on the western Mesa overlooking the city. Here, new homes and communities were just getting started expanding the city further outward. Here again was another awesome sight.
As we traveled on Route 40, a highway going toward Arizona and beyond I could see 5 distinct Volcanoes. This was something else I had never witnessed. They were unmistakable and commanding in appearance. The only volcanoes I had ever seen were in the movies and the news ( Mt. St. Helenes) but Uncle Ron assured us they were ‘dead’. Somehow that wasn’t reassuring. Volcanoes don’t die, they sleep a long time!

As we visited model homes in different areas, I got a sense of things new and different. Much of the architecture reflected the region and the different lifestyle of the southwest, desert, red rock, clay, cactus. Most of the landscaping consisted of a form of xeno-scaping which precludes having to water often since rainfall is minimal and water very precious in this region. Many of the homes had second floor balconies with fantastic views of the mountains while others were one story but with large yard areas and concrete fencing. Surprising to me I felt drawn to this place, so comfortable and so relaxed. Everything about it was new and strange like exploring a new world.
At one of the new home sites as we wandered through the models with their obvious furnishings designed to entice new buyers I stopped and looked around me with a vision of me living there. The living room had an in-wall tiled gas fireplace and the kitchen had a window and sill above the sink. The floor had that distinctive mosaic tile while the rest of the house was carpeted. There were three bedrooms, not exactly huge but roomy. There were also two full bathrooms, one of which was in the master bedroom. There was a dining area just off the kitchen with a window almost to the floor and a view of the yard with a pale pink concrete fence separating each house. And there was a gigantic two car garage that for the moment acted as the office of the real estate agents.
It was a single home with the rear providing an unobstructed view of the Sandias Mountain and the valley below that guarded the city.
The more I wandered the model home, the more I wanted to be here. This was crazy, this was way out of the box, but I knew somehow this was what I wanted. As we headed back toward the city and Uncle Ron’s house my mind couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like to live here. The next morning as we headed for the airport, my thoughts were still focused on that house and dreams of being there. I tried to be practical and I tried to be realistic. But I had been doing that for most of my married life. I was almost single now, my children were grown and on their own, wasn’t it time for me? As the plane took off and we circled toward the east, I took a long look at the mountains, the valley, the volcanoes and the desert and my heart beat faster. Yes! It was time for me. I could do this and I wanted to do this. I could start a new life. For the first time in months I had a goal, I had a quest. I wanted to live in New Mexico!

Chapter VII - Land of Enchantment

As the days dwindled from 3 weeks to 2 then one week before the trip to New Mexico, I fought to contain my enthusiasm and overwhelming excitement of taking this trip. I had gotten so use to dealing with one problem after another that the idea of having a good time had become a foreign concept.
I had been watching my spending and holding on so tightly trying to stay afloat for months, that I had forgotten what it was to just have fun and to embrace each day with a sense of mischievous adventure. I questioned everything, held myself in check every time I went shopping, held back buying clothes or eating out. Everything had become too expense or too frivolous. I had convinced myself that if I let loose for even a day, everything would fall apart. And worse, if I gave any hint to anyone what I was really feeling I would come off looking like I wanted and needed sympathy. I needed to stay strong and to stay in control. I needed to show my friends and my family that I was a rock, even if I felt like a bowl of unsettled Jello. If I kept this up, I was headed for a nervous breakdown!

In psychiatry a doctour might view this as a symptom of a troubled paranoid individual and begin some deep mental relaxation techniques to help cleanse and clear the mind. I have a better remedy. It’s called…CHOCOLATE! Since it was the weekend, I needed to go food shopping anyway and I needed to get a few items for the trip, so what the heck, get the goods and get some treats while I’m at it.
By now I knew every corner, every aisle and every feature in the supermarket. First items, Devil Dogs and milk, everything else was a piece of cake, (sorry, pun intended)! Another fun thing to do when you’re getting ready for a trip is going through the sundries aisle. Somehow the buying of small travel size bottles of mouthwash, toothpaste, deodorant and other toiletries is a cheerful experience. What can I say it’s the little things that get me smiling (another pun intended)! With packages in hand I headed for the nearest discount store. It occurred to me that though I would be gone for five days, (Thursday through Monday), I didn’t want to take a suitcase that I would have to lug through the airport and I didn’t own one of those new fangled travel suitcases on wheels. It had been nearly ten years since I had been anywhere and I was a little behind the times. What I needed was a small travel case I wouldn’t have to check at the airport but could handle what I wanted to take. In a Big Lots, I found a red overnight bag for just $10.00. It had a handle and everything! Wow, things have sure changed! While driving home I just couldn’t wait so I opened the pack of Devil Dogs and ate one while driving. Very un-lady like but fun!
Two days before leaving, I began to pack. I decided to wear jeans on the flight and pack a second dressier pair. I also packed a comfortable skirt and three extra tops including a dress shirt. I’d wear sneakers and pack a pair of flat shoes. With underwear and the toiletries I was all set. Everything fit neatly and it wasn’t even that heavy.
There were some other things I needed to take with me including a folder of photographs I had been keeping for a long time. They were family photos of my Grandparents, Uncle Ron’s parents and some of my children whom he hadn’t seen since they were kids and the grandkids Chris and Stephanie. I thought he might appreciate a trip down memory lane and would no doubt start conversations of times past.
I printed out my ticket, made sure I had Photo ID and fifty dollars in cash for minor expenses that might occur between airports including the hour and a half lay over scheduled. Being me, I had printed a check list two days in advance, (there goes that OCB!) and the night before I set everything out ready to go.
I had contacted Jim a week ahead of time to let him know I would be out of town for a while. I didn’t say where I was going, none of his business anyway, though I was sure he’d get it out of the kids. He needed to know because I expected him to take the dogs to be with him for the time I was gone. I was sure he wouldn’t mind since he planned to keep them after the divorce. This would give them time to bond with the Hussy! (Oh my goodness, did I say that?!!) Jamie was taking me to the airport and in exchange he would have my SUV for the five days I was away then pick me up when I returned.
Everything done, I now was calm and excited. This was going to be fun. I was really beginning to believe it now. Chocolate…the happiness factor!

The first part of the flight to Dallas was going well and on schedule. Before I boarded I texted a message to Rhonda of my departure. I also texted a message to my sister whom I had also told I would be going. In Dallas I thought I would have a little time to get something to eat, but the transfer to the second plane which was on the other far side of the airport took me almost half an hour. Holy Pickle Juice that airport was big! Lines in the food court were all long and I hesitated to try to get something because I wanted to make sure I was at the boarding gate in plenty of time. In the end I did manage to get something, rationalizing that between arriving in Albuquerque and getting to the house I’d be starving and the few nuts and soda served on the flight would hardly satisfy my stomach. Boy do I miss those in-flight meals! Again I texted a message to Rhonda to let her know I was still on schedule and would be arriving at approximately 8:30pm Mountain time. She texted back that her flight was on time so far and she would probably be about 20 minutes behind me. This was good news, things were going as planned.
During the trip between Dallas and Albuquerque I slept. Planes do that to me. I rarely stay awake when flying. Something about the motion, it’s so relaxing. I did wake up as we made our decent. It was dark, and the sky was clear. Having a window seat, I was treated to a magnificent sight. Below me was a vision of a billion golden lights surrounded by some dark mass I could not see. Later I would realize that the city sat in a valley framed by mountains and a rising mesa of desert sand to the west. As we continued to descend, I noticed some of the buildings aglow in reds, greens and blues clustered in the center of what I suspected was the downtown area of the city. As the wheels touched terra firma I was ready for the adventure that lay ahead. Though I had yet to take my first step outside the airport I could feel the electricity and exhilaration of visiting a new place.

New Mexico became the 47th State in 1912, a month later Arizona became the 48th State thus completing the 48 contiguous States. It is called the Land of Enchantment boosting long stretches of desert including White Sands and mountain peaks called the Sandia which at its highest reaches over 10,000 feet. Though the capital city is Santa Fe, the largest and most populated city is Albuquerque. With a population of over 650,000 it is the 33rd largest city in the U.S. Albuquerque is also known as the “City of Illumination” and from my first view of it from the air, I could understand why.
Walking through the gate into the terminal I was immediately struck by the influence of Spanish and Native American artwork and architecture and everywhere was a feeling of truly being in the Southwest. The airport was smaller than any I had been to before but it was clean, cheerful and very modern. Called the International Sunport, the name seemed oddly confusing since it really didn’t have any International flights, not even direct flights to Mexico just to the south. I guess they were being optimistic when they planned it.
Having arrived first, I headed down the escalators toward the baggage area, the prearranged place Rhonda and I planned to meet. As I went downward, my cell phone began to ring. The tone got me a few looks of smiles and laughter from the people surrounding me for my ring tone were the five notes made popular by the movie “Close Encounters”. Hey it’s me, what can I say. Rhonda was calling to say they had just landed. This was great. We had both arrived virtually together. She had checked her luggage so I decided to wait for her at her airline baggage area. As I was waiting a small attractive, older woman with short black hair approached me and asked if I was Sigrid. Smiling with that goofy grin I often have when I’m totally out of my element, I introduced myself to Barbara, Uncle Ron’s wife. She told me Uncle Ron was driving around the airport in circles avoiding the extra expense of parking. This was great. He still didn’t know that I was accompanying Rhonda on this trip so the surprise would be even better when I got into the car. I told her Rhonda was right behind me and we stood together waiting for her to come down the escalator. It only took about 15 minutes for her to catch up to use and in the mean time I thanked Aunt Barbara for her hospitality and for keeping the trip a secret. She was just as excited as we were and looking forward to our visit.
Upon Rhonda’s arrival and getting her luggage, we talked about what to do next. My cousin was devious if not brilliant. We decided to see just how long it would take Uncle Ron to recognize me when he pulled up to the landing zone. With luck and the darkened area he would not notice who I was. Rhonda would just say that I was a friend she met on the plane and if her father would offer me a ride to my destination.
As we waited outside, I tried to keep my face in the shadows and took on the stance of a weary traveler. When he pulled up, he placed the car in park and got out to greet his daughter with hugs and that familiar laugh he was so known for. Opening the trunk he seemed to completely ignore me until Rhonda took him aside and gave him the storyline we had concocted. I shyly said hello, all the while keeping my head down and appearing embarrassed. Though courteous, it was obvious he wasn’t too keen at the idea of having to make an extra trip for a stranger. But he hid it well and we all hustled into the car. I held onto my overnight bag with me in the car placing it on my lap. This gave me a little more cover in case he should look in the rear view mirror and recognize me.
It took less than 10 minutes to reach his home, a townhouse neatly set along a well manicured street and surrounded by tall buildings.
He and Barbara lived close within the city itself. Because it was dark with few street lamp posts, which I found interesting, my view was limited, but it seemed a quiet a peaceful neighborhood. As we got out of the car I hung back while Uncle Ron got Rhonda’s things out of the trunk. As he walked back to the driver’s side door to help me with my bag, he asked me where I would like to dropped off to. For the first time I looked him straight in the eyes and spoke up clearly. “Oh I don’t know Uncle Ron, I was hoping I could stay here with you!”
I don’t know if it was my voice or his being able to see me more clearly, but the sudden recognition was obvious. He dropped my suitcase along with his jaw and gave a laugh as he reached out his arms to give me a bear hug.

Chapter VI – The Trip

A few days after I had contacted the estate lawyer, identified myself and given him my address, I received a letter in the mail outlining the planned disposition of funds according to the will. Aunt ‘Bookie’ as she was called by most of the family had left me half of a $10,000 certificate of deposit. The other half was to go to my Uncle Maurice, one of my father’s brothers who lived somewhere in Michigan. There were other $10,000 CDs to be divided among different family members as well. The list of the recipients was included in the letter. Carol’s name was one of them. I assumed she knew to look for me since my name up to that point had not included an address.
The letter also stated that the funds would be dispersed sometime in the months ahead after certain other estate had been fulfilled. I figured it would be sometime by the New Year when I would receive a check which was fine with me. Hey, you don’t rush a gift that was unexpected in the first place. My finances though very tight at this point could be tolerated.
I tried very hard not to project any scenarios of how I was going to use the money, but it was difficult. There were so many things I wanted to do with it, the most important being to use a portion to begin the process of getting a divorce.
I had already checked with a number of Legal Aid offices and had found one not far from home that seemed to offer everything I needed.
Basically for $500.00 they would prepare the legal papers based on a questionnaire I completed listing cause, dependants if any, property to be divided if any and etcetera. There would be another fee of $250.00 for court cost and an extra $35.00 if I wanted him served by the court in person. Ha! That last was a no brainer.
So I made my plans to go to the Legal Aid office after I received the funds from the inheritance then hold having it processed until after March 24th 2004. The cause would be desertion. Since the children were over 21 there wouldn’t be any issue concerning custody. As far as division of property, I wanted it all, the house, the contents, everything! He had left taking only a few clothes and pictures including a painting I had given him for Father’s day one year. He had even unhooked and taken one of the DVD systems in our bedroom when I wasn’t at home plus a number of DVDs. At the time I couldn’t do or say anything as I had never changed the locks on the door. This had been necessary for two reasons, one so that he could come and go to take the dogs for their walk and the other because if he did not have access as was his right, I would not be able to claim desertion.
So I calculated that it would take close to a thousand dollars that I would need for the expense of the divorce which was not a bad price especially since I now knew I would be able to afford it. It did make me angry though that he was the one pushing for a speedy dissolution of our marriage but too cheap to pay for it. However, I did not dwell on this point. This way I was in control and calling the shots. There was one more thing I wanted in the divorce. I planned to seek an additional cash settlement although the amount I had not yet determined. This was a risky decision and one I needed to think about carefully. I needed to make sure that any amount I demanded could be backed up and that he could not protest. It was not greed or revenge which motivated me, but the conviction that I had been wronged. Jim disserted and left me with a nightmare of bills and mounting debt. There was also the mental anguish of how I was going to survive alone and totally on my own.

For now, I was just going through the daily routine of working, going home, eating, sleeping, paying bills…yadda, yadda, yadda. October always seemed to do that to me. I did not especially like autumn. The weather, the falling of the leaves, the cold, the shortened days, these all left me very depressed. Jamie was spending more time at work and school and I saw very little of him. As much as I appreciated his being there, I felt very alone. I did have the girls over for dinner on occasion and I spend most of my weekends either at their house or seeing Elizabeth and the grandkids. The dogs and the cat were of great comfort but there was an ache in my sou; that I didn’t want to admit. I didn’t feel I had any purpose, any direction or goal. I felt my existence useless and wondering. Where was my ambition, where was my quest and joy of life?

Around the 5th of October I came home as usual, greeted by my four footed children. Throwing my coat on the back of a chair, I threw the daily mountain of bills & advertisements from the mail onto the counter. I noticed a light blinking on the answering machine. I could only prey it wasn’t another bill collector. I wasn’t in the mood. As I listened I suddenly heard a strange but very familiar voice from the distant past. “This message is for Sigrid Z …This is your Uncle Ron from New Mexico. If this is the correct party please call me at…”
Uncle Ron was my father’s baby brother. Also from Philly, he had journeyed out West in the late 70’s to who knows where. He had come to see me just before he left, soon after Jim and I had bought this house. I always admired him for his adventurous spirit and devil may care attitude. He had a true bohemian character.
This was exciting and so unexpected. I grabbed a soda, my cigarettes and went upstairs to my office. It was near six o’clock Eastern Standard time. I figured it would be about four his time. He had given me two numbers, one for his house and one for his office. So I called the office. He answered on the third ring. “Sage West Realty.” I tried to hold back my excitement. “Hello Uncle Ron…this is your long lost niece Sigrid.”
We both began to laugh and after that we spent nearly three hours on the phone catching up on all the news and gossip of the past 25 years.

Uncle Ron had driven out to California 25 years before and stayed for a few months. Not satisfied he had turned around heading eastward and ended up traveling over the mountains and come upon a city strangely illuminated at night with brilliant lights of gold, blues and greens. It was the city of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Fascinated he decided to stay, getting a job with a local bank as a manager. He had a background for this as when he lived in Philadelphia he had been a top executive with one of the city’s largest banking institute. Later he decided to start his own real estate company and became a real estate broker with a number of agents working for him. Twenty Five years later, successful, he was planning his retirement in the next few years.
Approximately fifteen years before, he had tried to contact me but was unsuccessful, not remembering my address or the town where I lived. He also assumed that I had moved since the last time he had seen me. Jokingly he talked about his extensive search and the cost of all the phone calls and internet searches he had conducted trying to track me down. His first mistake was in the spelling of my last name. When he had gotten the letter from the law office about the inheritance he had seen my name on it and began his quest anew. But the letter had not given a location because Carol had not found me yet. But at least he had a clue. Calling other family members had not been fruitful until he had spoken to his brother’s wife Maggie. I had last spoken to Uncle Maurice and Maggie at my father’s funeral and after the services invited them to my house. Even thought that had been twenty years ago, she remembered that I lived somewhere in New Jersey. So now Uncle Ron narrowed his search to there.
He still did not have an address. And there was the possibility that the phone number was unlisted. But it wasn’t. Remember that because I had been trying to find ways to save money, I had removed the option of having my phone unlisted several months back. Sure enough, the operator had found a listing that fit his parameters. What did I tell you, fate and serendipity had led to this moment.
As our conversation started to slowly come to an end, he invited me to come out to New Mexico for a visit or more accurately a mini vacation. Gracious as it was, I knew it was impossible at this time. I didn’t have the money, though I did not go into that. I had told him of my current situation which is why he thought I needed a getaway. I told him that maybe after I got through the divorce process I would certainly love to come out for a visit but at the moment I was very busy. He did mention that his daughter Rhonda, who now lived in Kansas City, Missouri, would be in Philadelphia in a week to visit with some friend. He gave me her cell phone number and suggested I give her a call and maybe get together. I promised I would and I also promised to stay in touch. As we said our good byes and I hung up the phone, I felt rejuvenated and even found myself smiling. Uncle Ron was easy to talk to and had a way of making me laugh when there wasn’t very much to laugh about. Sort of reminded me of me before this whole mess happened.

As promised, a few days later I called Rhonda. My cousin was excited to hear from me but not surprised. It seemed that Uncle Ron had contacted her beforehand. She was in Philadelphia and would be there for three more days, so I took the opportunity of inviting her to my house for dinner. I was surprised to find myself praying that she would come, so anxious was I to have visitors from the family. She accepted and we made plans for the following evening. I gave her directions and she promised to be there.

The next evening we got together and got caught up on all the events of the past few years. It was a lot of fun and very uplifting. During dessert, Jamie came home and joined us and Rhonda and I regaled him with stories of our youth and family lore. At some point Rhonda remarked that she was planning a trip to visit her father in the next month, November. “Why don’t you come with me?” she asked. As much as she loved her father, she admitted that if she stayed around him for three or four days with just him and his wife Barbara she’d go bonkers. Momentarily taken aback I tried to think of something to say. There was no way I could afford a trip to New Mexico on my budget, but I was embarrassed to admit to it and I was trying to think of a graceful excuse for not going. I wanted too desperately, but I really needed to save my money. That was when Jamie spoke up. “Sure Mom, you should go. You could use a vacation. I’ll pay for your trip.”
Now I was really cornered and elated at the same time. How was I going to get out of this? But Jamie was serious. Between the two of them, I couldn’t come up with an excuse to say no. So we sat there and discussed how we would do this.
The plan was for me to leave from Philadelphia and her to leave from Kansas City on the same day and try to get flights that would put us in Albuquerque around the same time. She would tell her father she was coming but not mention that I was coming also. We would tell Barbara so that she could be prepared but the idea was to surprise Uncle Ron with my sudden appearance. I found myself titillated with the expectation of this mad and wild craziness but it sounded too much like wishful thinking. It was not until Jamie suggested that we go on-line right then and there to check out flight schedules that the possibility we could pull this off touched me.
We found flights that would put us in Albuquerque within twenty minutes of each other and we booked them immediately. Now reality hit me. The adrenaline was pumping and I was floating on air. In three weeks, I was going to New Mexico!

Chapter V - Serendipity

Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘serendipity’ as “the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for”. It is a simple and underrated little explanation for what was to become a wondrous and exciting journey toward my destiny, an adventure I could never have predicted.

The revelations revealed after my little undercover and surveillance operation convinced me that divorce was no longer an alternative but a must. I had up to now resisted the notion of the big “D” because I deeply believed that it really meant failure. Facing the fact that I had failed in my marriage no matter how many years had gone by was difficult. While I was deeply angry with Jim I did not want to blame him entirely. This failure was my fault as well. Over the last 2 or 3 years I took things for granted, believing everything was fine and that I didn’t need to work keeping our marriage alive and well. It was a fatal miss-step and I was responsible for it as much as he. The other fact was that I still deeply loved Jim which made it even that much harder. There was nothing left to do but to try and pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.

By August I was still struggling financially though not destitute. I still did not have a goal other than to wait until next March to file for divorce as I was determined to use the law of desertion for a ‘cause’ as my platform. I hoped that this would give me some leverage to get what I wanted, mainly to keep the house somehow and to force him into giving me some financial compensation such as alimony in the process. But now I had another problem to contend with.

My stringent budgeting was working and I was doing just fine in keeping up with the monthly bills, not getting behind but having very little left over for savings. My bank account was down to less than $500.00 which wasn’t very much for emergencies. But it was helpful and a small cushion that had been mostly provided by Ann who had insisted on giving me a check for just such purposes. More and more I was indebted to my friends and so thankful to them for their never ending help and support. Without my ‘sisters’ I didn’t think I could have handled the emotional despair and continued depression I dealt with day after day. My children were also my rock and the reason I refused to give up. In their eyes I wanted so much to be strong and resilient. I would never let them see me down. I was determined to make it through this and my life. But with each seeming victory to overcome my insecurity about my money situation it seemed fate was determined to hand me more problems to deal with.

First there was the tire incident. I was driving through town one Saturday afternoon when I was flagged down by another car. A nice lady and her passenger informed me that the right front tire on my SUV was going flat. Pulling over I got out and verified the problem. Bowing my head I nervously tried to think while also whispering why me. Two voices entered my head at that moment. The first was my mother’s. “Crying isn’t going to fix it! Just deal with it!” She always had a way of getting to the point. The other was Joy’s. “Whine, whine, whine…You want some cheese with that?” Another country heard from and the sure fire voice of humour which I needed at that precise moment! How I wished that these two had met. I would have never stood a chance to complain about anything with them both standing on either side of me constantly.
Sighing, I stood and assessed the situation. I was close to Cinnaminson, NJ which is a small town in southern New Jersey and near my own home, and I knew there was a tire dealership nearby on the same side of the road I was already on. From previous experience I knew it was not a good idea to drive too far with the tire in its present condition but I did not want to call for a tow truck as that would have been costly and I did not have the advantage of affording triple A. I would have to take the chance and drive there slowly.
The personnel were extremely helpful and took my car in for inspection immediately. Unfortunately the diagnosis was not good but repairable. The tire had shredded on the inside. I must have picked up a rather large nail somewhere and it rattled around on the inside. It could not be patched. The entire tire would have to be replaced. This was an SUV that was only a year old! I had less than 10,000 miles on it! One tire would cost over $150.00 plus there would be the cost of labour and the balancing. Thank goodness for the emergency fund! While I waited, I took the opportunity to call Ann on my cell phone and in tears I thanked her profusely for making me take the check she had offered me months ago and that I had been reluctant to take. Had I not had that little extra I don’t know what I would have done. Not to seem paranoid (which I really am not…maybe) but I always wondered if Jim had not somehow been responsible for this little disaster. But that would be cruel and so unworthy a thought. Surely I couldn’t start blaming him for every little problem I was having, could I?

My next two problems, yes TWO, involved the heater in the house and the Willingboro Tax assessor. In a month would be the beginning of Fall and then colder weather. Wouldn’t you know it, the heater had a major crack in it. I noticed this when replacing a filter to the air conditioning unit. We had gas heat so I was immediately concerned. I called PSE&G explaining the problem and they sent someone right away to have a look. The heater was the original model when we moved there 26 years ago but the air conditioner had been replaced only a year ago.
The bad news was that the heater had to be immediately replaced. The gentleman who had come to check it said it was too old and too risky to repair. The good news was that the Gas & Electric company also provided a service for replacements and that the cost could be divided over twelve months with a small increase to my monthly bill of about $29.00 . Doing the math in my head and knowing I could not afford to shell out that much money all at once I took the deal. Here was yet another addition to the money I planned for Jim to owe me come settlement time. A day later the new heater was installed and I felt relieved. Once again I had faced a problem and dealt with it. I was beginning to believe I could handle things on my own and I was not as helpless as Jim always made me out to be.
The second part of the house problem, the property tax assessor was not so easily resolved. In September I received a very disturbing letter from the township. It was in a brown envelope with big red lettering. I didn’t need to open it to know it meant trouble. When I read it, I had to sit down.

When Elizabeth was getting married we had redone our mortgage to get some of the equity out of the house to help pay for the wedding. Jim had also passed on the option of having the refinancing include insurance payment and tax payment monthly which meant we had to pay them separately. Since Jim had left I had been making the monthly insurance payments and the quarterly tax payments myself. The insurance was not bad, just $32.00 monthly which I made sure was taken care of on time. The tax payments were hefty, over $700.00 a quarter, and I had managed barely. So far I had paid April and July on time but I knew September’s was due and I was struggling but Jamie’s rent payments would give me just enough to pay it by the month end. What could this letter be about?
As I continued to read it I first was shocked, then full of anger with a sense of betrayal. Finally I was down right mad. Mad at Jim for his continued lies and mad at myself for believing him. Here was a notice of judgment for over $2,600 in back taxes due immediately. ‘Immediately’ as in now, this instance, pronto! Where the heck was I going to get that kind of money!? I had already taken a loan to get the other bills up to date, I had nothing left except the small reserve in my two savings account which because of the tire expense and the down payment for the new heater was down to less than $300.00. I would have to close out my 401K and take a loss plus pay off the loan to get that kind of money. I needed alternatives. I needed a miracle. I needed Jim’s head on a platter!!!
The next morning, while at work I called Jim at his job. I had tried to call him on his cell phone but he would’t answer, so I had no choice but to confront him at his work. I had conditioned myself to remain calm. I didn’t want to sound like a hysterical female full of rage and fury. That would not do. Nor was I going to reduce myself to any vulgarity. Mother had taught me better than that. But I was angry and I made sure he knew it. At first he said nothing than insisted that the back taxes were being taken care of in his bankruptcy payments. He said it was probably a clerical error and that if I went there I could probably straighten it out. I asked him why he didn’t just go there himself. After all he had the papers, the house was still half his responsibility, he had made the deal, why was it now just my problem.
It was stupid of me to think that he would take any steps to get in front of this or to offer any support. His whole life was the pursuit of avoidance of any responsibilities. Hadn’t I figured that out yet? I swear he knew this all along. That it was all part of his plot to leave me holding the bag as it were. Hanging up the phone I was ready to throw in the towel. I didn’t know what to do at that point. I was fresh out of ideas of ways to fix this. But then there was that voice again. “It’s not the end of the world!” Mom was relentless. I swear she was going to haunt me until my last breath!

Now remember what I said at the beginning of this chapter about serendipity. It’s also about karma, the forces generated by a person’s actions. I believe in Karma as well as fate. I do not believe in coincidences and that things “just happen”. My proof is in what happened next.

The next day on my lunch hour I went to the township office to try and straighten out the issues presented in the letter. They looked it up and found no indication that I had owed any back taxes and were at a loss to understand why the letter had been sent. This gave me very little comfort as I have dealt with the ‘system’ before and in the back of my head I knew this was going to come back and haunt me, but for the time being I just let it go. There was still the quarter payment due which I still didn’t have completely. I asked for a continuance for a few weeks explaining my situation which though disdainful for me to admit I had now used several times as an excuse for making late payments with practically everything.
At home that evening I sat in my office trying over and over to think of ways to save more money and build up my emergency funds. More than anything I was terrified of being broke and scared of losing what little I had. I was haunted constantly by the possibility of being homeless and ending up a bag lady wandering the streets and sleeping in alley ways begging for scraps. I had nightmares and I could never really get it out of my mind. The only solace I truly had was my desire not to waddle in self pity and not to give in.
Jamie sensed my discomfort but I was determined not to involve him or his sister in this. As is my way when I get nervous I joked and made silly talk about anything that came to mind including having a big yard sale and getting rid of some of the ‘junk’ that was cluttering the house. Jamie agreed and we even made plans to do just that in the weeks ahead.
Just then the dogs started barking and there was a knock at the door. Jamie went to see who it was. I think he knew I wasn’t in the mood to receive visitors or solicitors. I stood at the top of the stairs listening as he answered the door and overheard some of the conversation. The voice was familiar as well as the name of the person. It turned out to be my cousin Carol.

Carol was a relative who it just so happened lived across the highway in another small town. We were both originally from Philly and her mother and my Grandmother had been related though I never remembered exactly how. I had seen her on occasion when I worked at a local video store as the manager several years before. She would rent movies and we would occasionally talk about old times. Other than that I rarely bumped in to her. Tonight though she had ‘dropped by’ with important news.
It seemed that my great aunt who was also Carol’s aunt had died recently. I remembered her. When my father had died over ten years before she had been the sole beneficiary. This had never really bothered me because my father and I had been estranged since my birth and I never had any expectation that he would have left me anything. Hell, at the funeral which I attended only because Mom had wanted to go, his few friends were shocked to know that he had a daughter. But enough about those times, let’s get back to the now.
It seemed that my great aunt had put me in her will. This was a surprise to me as I had always thought that she would have resented me for not trying to reconcile with my father before he died. Carol said there was a list of beneficiaries and that the sum might not be a lot but that the lawyers were trying to get in touch with me because very few people knew where I lived.
Jamie and I looked at each other in disbelief. I was I have to admit, salivating. I couldn’t have been more surprised and…thankful. Carol stayed for refreshments and we got caught up in the events of things happening in the last few years. She also gave me the information for getting in touch with the lawyer handling the estate and even advised me not to mention anything to my estranged husband. That went without saying. She didn’t know the exact amount of the CD which was what had been deposited for me year earlier but that didn’t matter and I didn’t ask even when I called the next morning to the law office. What I also didn’t know was that this was only the beginning and a turning point for events to follow. For the moment the nightmares faded, and I slept peacefully for the first time in months.