Chapter V - Serendipity

Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘serendipity’ as “the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for”. It is a simple and underrated little explanation for what was to become a wondrous and exciting journey toward my destiny, an adventure I could never have predicted.

The revelations revealed after my little undercover and surveillance operation convinced me that divorce was no longer an alternative but a must. I had up to now resisted the notion of the big “D” because I deeply believed that it really meant failure. Facing the fact that I had failed in my marriage no matter how many years had gone by was difficult. While I was deeply angry with Jim I did not want to blame him entirely. This failure was my fault as well. Over the last 2 or 3 years I took things for granted, believing everything was fine and that I didn’t need to work keeping our marriage alive and well. It was a fatal miss-step and I was responsible for it as much as he. The other fact was that I still deeply loved Jim which made it even that much harder. There was nothing left to do but to try and pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.

By August I was still struggling financially though not destitute. I still did not have a goal other than to wait until next March to file for divorce as I was determined to use the law of desertion for a ‘cause’ as my platform. I hoped that this would give me some leverage to get what I wanted, mainly to keep the house somehow and to force him into giving me some financial compensation such as alimony in the process. But now I had another problem to contend with.

My stringent budgeting was working and I was doing just fine in keeping up with the monthly bills, not getting behind but having very little left over for savings. My bank account was down to less than $500.00 which wasn’t very much for emergencies. But it was helpful and a small cushion that had been mostly provided by Ann who had insisted on giving me a check for just such purposes. More and more I was indebted to my friends and so thankful to them for their never ending help and support. Without my ‘sisters’ I didn’t think I could have handled the emotional despair and continued depression I dealt with day after day. My children were also my rock and the reason I refused to give up. In their eyes I wanted so much to be strong and resilient. I would never let them see me down. I was determined to make it through this and my life. But with each seeming victory to overcome my insecurity about my money situation it seemed fate was determined to hand me more problems to deal with.

First there was the tire incident. I was driving through town one Saturday afternoon when I was flagged down by another car. A nice lady and her passenger informed me that the right front tire on my SUV was going flat. Pulling over I got out and verified the problem. Bowing my head I nervously tried to think while also whispering why me. Two voices entered my head at that moment. The first was my mother’s. “Crying isn’t going to fix it! Just deal with it!” She always had a way of getting to the point. The other was Joy’s. “Whine, whine, whine…You want some cheese with that?” Another country heard from and the sure fire voice of humour which I needed at that precise moment! How I wished that these two had met. I would have never stood a chance to complain about anything with them both standing on either side of me constantly.
Sighing, I stood and assessed the situation. I was close to Cinnaminson, NJ which is a small town in southern New Jersey and near my own home, and I knew there was a tire dealership nearby on the same side of the road I was already on. From previous experience I knew it was not a good idea to drive too far with the tire in its present condition but I did not want to call for a tow truck as that would have been costly and I did not have the advantage of affording triple A. I would have to take the chance and drive there slowly.
The personnel were extremely helpful and took my car in for inspection immediately. Unfortunately the diagnosis was not good but repairable. The tire had shredded on the inside. I must have picked up a rather large nail somewhere and it rattled around on the inside. It could not be patched. The entire tire would have to be replaced. This was an SUV that was only a year old! I had less than 10,000 miles on it! One tire would cost over $150.00 plus there would be the cost of labour and the balancing. Thank goodness for the emergency fund! While I waited, I took the opportunity to call Ann on my cell phone and in tears I thanked her profusely for making me take the check she had offered me months ago and that I had been reluctant to take. Had I not had that little extra I don’t know what I would have done. Not to seem paranoid (which I really am not…maybe) but I always wondered if Jim had not somehow been responsible for this little disaster. But that would be cruel and so unworthy a thought. Surely I couldn’t start blaming him for every little problem I was having, could I?

My next two problems, yes TWO, involved the heater in the house and the Willingboro Tax assessor. In a month would be the beginning of Fall and then colder weather. Wouldn’t you know it, the heater had a major crack in it. I noticed this when replacing a filter to the air conditioning unit. We had gas heat so I was immediately concerned. I called PSE&G explaining the problem and they sent someone right away to have a look. The heater was the original model when we moved there 26 years ago but the air conditioner had been replaced only a year ago.
The bad news was that the heater had to be immediately replaced. The gentleman who had come to check it said it was too old and too risky to repair. The good news was that the Gas & Electric company also provided a service for replacements and that the cost could be divided over twelve months with a small increase to my monthly bill of about $29.00 . Doing the math in my head and knowing I could not afford to shell out that much money all at once I took the deal. Here was yet another addition to the money I planned for Jim to owe me come settlement time. A day later the new heater was installed and I felt relieved. Once again I had faced a problem and dealt with it. I was beginning to believe I could handle things on my own and I was not as helpless as Jim always made me out to be.
The second part of the house problem, the property tax assessor was not so easily resolved. In September I received a very disturbing letter from the township. It was in a brown envelope with big red lettering. I didn’t need to open it to know it meant trouble. When I read it, I had to sit down.

When Elizabeth was getting married we had redone our mortgage to get some of the equity out of the house to help pay for the wedding. Jim had also passed on the option of having the refinancing include insurance payment and tax payment monthly which meant we had to pay them separately. Since Jim had left I had been making the monthly insurance payments and the quarterly tax payments myself. The insurance was not bad, just $32.00 monthly which I made sure was taken care of on time. The tax payments were hefty, over $700.00 a quarter, and I had managed barely. So far I had paid April and July on time but I knew September’s was due and I was struggling but Jamie’s rent payments would give me just enough to pay it by the month end. What could this letter be about?
As I continued to read it I first was shocked, then full of anger with a sense of betrayal. Finally I was down right mad. Mad at Jim for his continued lies and mad at myself for believing him. Here was a notice of judgment for over $2,600 in back taxes due immediately. ‘Immediately’ as in now, this instance, pronto! Where the heck was I going to get that kind of money!? I had already taken a loan to get the other bills up to date, I had nothing left except the small reserve in my two savings account which because of the tire expense and the down payment for the new heater was down to less than $300.00. I would have to close out my 401K and take a loss plus pay off the loan to get that kind of money. I needed alternatives. I needed a miracle. I needed Jim’s head on a platter!!!
The next morning, while at work I called Jim at his job. I had tried to call him on his cell phone but he would’t answer, so I had no choice but to confront him at his work. I had conditioned myself to remain calm. I didn’t want to sound like a hysterical female full of rage and fury. That would not do. Nor was I going to reduce myself to any vulgarity. Mother had taught me better than that. But I was angry and I made sure he knew it. At first he said nothing than insisted that the back taxes were being taken care of in his bankruptcy payments. He said it was probably a clerical error and that if I went there I could probably straighten it out. I asked him why he didn’t just go there himself. After all he had the papers, the house was still half his responsibility, he had made the deal, why was it now just my problem.
It was stupid of me to think that he would take any steps to get in front of this or to offer any support. His whole life was the pursuit of avoidance of any responsibilities. Hadn’t I figured that out yet? I swear he knew this all along. That it was all part of his plot to leave me holding the bag as it were. Hanging up the phone I was ready to throw in the towel. I didn’t know what to do at that point. I was fresh out of ideas of ways to fix this. But then there was that voice again. “It’s not the end of the world!” Mom was relentless. I swear she was going to haunt me until my last breath!

Now remember what I said at the beginning of this chapter about serendipity. It’s also about karma, the forces generated by a person’s actions. I believe in Karma as well as fate. I do not believe in coincidences and that things “just happen”. My proof is in what happened next.

The next day on my lunch hour I went to the township office to try and straighten out the issues presented in the letter. They looked it up and found no indication that I had owed any back taxes and were at a loss to understand why the letter had been sent. This gave me very little comfort as I have dealt with the ‘system’ before and in the back of my head I knew this was going to come back and haunt me, but for the time being I just let it go. There was still the quarter payment due which I still didn’t have completely. I asked for a continuance for a few weeks explaining my situation which though disdainful for me to admit I had now used several times as an excuse for making late payments with practically everything.
At home that evening I sat in my office trying over and over to think of ways to save more money and build up my emergency funds. More than anything I was terrified of being broke and scared of losing what little I had. I was haunted constantly by the possibility of being homeless and ending up a bag lady wandering the streets and sleeping in alley ways begging for scraps. I had nightmares and I could never really get it out of my mind. The only solace I truly had was my desire not to waddle in self pity and not to give in.
Jamie sensed my discomfort but I was determined not to involve him or his sister in this. As is my way when I get nervous I joked and made silly talk about anything that came to mind including having a big yard sale and getting rid of some of the ‘junk’ that was cluttering the house. Jamie agreed and we even made plans to do just that in the weeks ahead.
Just then the dogs started barking and there was a knock at the door. Jamie went to see who it was. I think he knew I wasn’t in the mood to receive visitors or solicitors. I stood at the top of the stairs listening as he answered the door and overheard some of the conversation. The voice was familiar as well as the name of the person. It turned out to be my cousin Carol.

Carol was a relative who it just so happened lived across the highway in another small town. We were both originally from Philly and her mother and my Grandmother had been related though I never remembered exactly how. I had seen her on occasion when I worked at a local video store as the manager several years before. She would rent movies and we would occasionally talk about old times. Other than that I rarely bumped in to her. Tonight though she had ‘dropped by’ with important news.
It seemed that my great aunt who was also Carol’s aunt had died recently. I remembered her. When my father had died over ten years before she had been the sole beneficiary. This had never really bothered me because my father and I had been estranged since my birth and I never had any expectation that he would have left me anything. Hell, at the funeral which I attended only because Mom had wanted to go, his few friends were shocked to know that he had a daughter. But enough about those times, let’s get back to the now.
It seemed that my great aunt had put me in her will. This was a surprise to me as I had always thought that she would have resented me for not trying to reconcile with my father before he died. Carol said there was a list of beneficiaries and that the sum might not be a lot but that the lawyers were trying to get in touch with me because very few people knew where I lived.
Jamie and I looked at each other in disbelief. I was I have to admit, salivating. I couldn’t have been more surprised and…thankful. Carol stayed for refreshments and we got caught up in the events of things happening in the last few years. She also gave me the information for getting in touch with the lawyer handling the estate and even advised me not to mention anything to my estranged husband. That went without saying. She didn’t know the exact amount of the CD which was what had been deposited for me year earlier but that didn’t matter and I didn’t ask even when I called the next morning to the law office. What I also didn’t know was that this was only the beginning and a turning point for events to follow. For the moment the nightmares faded, and I slept peacefully for the first time in months.

Chapter IV - Shock Wave

As spring moved toward the summer of 2003 I fell into a comfortable routine. First step was to identify all the bills that had accumulated during my recovery from the surgery. As usual, Jim had let them fall way behind, at least three months behind, utilities, phone, cable, taxes, and even the mortgage. It was the disaster of all disasters and he had left me with no savings in our bank account and had transferred the direct deposit of his monthly pension check to some other account he set up for himself. I kept hearing in the back of my mind how he magnanimously offered to “give me the house.” What a crock!
While I had been recuperating and unable to go out he had managed to get the mail and hide the bills and overdue notices and secretly unplugging the phone so that “I wouldn’t have to get up to answer it” leaving me with just my cell phone for “emergencies”. He obviously had been planning his escape for some time and like a dummy I thought he was being very attentive. His seemingly good deeds were never intended to be for my benefit. But now I had a choice, and I had things to do. It was my fault, my stupidity and now my responsibly to change. I could either give up or build up.

Second step…organization. This was my forte! I began by creating a spreadsheet listing all the bills and their due dates. I also noted the amounts back due which I wanted to give priority to and marking them in red. My next step was to contact all the utilities and try to explain my situation and to set up a payment schedule. I was amazed and thankful for their understanding and their willingness to work with me. I then took out a loan against the funds from my stock shares at work and paid as many bills as I could. As painful as it was to do this, I really couldn’t live free with all this debt over my head. Payment for the loan was taken out of my pay weekly at a manageable amount. Then I just figured out each week what bills I could pay with the remaining funds from my salary. I must say I got pretty good at budgeting everything to the point that I managed to get back on track within a few months. I reduced some bills by switching to only one phone line and not opting for an unlisted number and having only basic cable without the frills. Of course I still kept a few channels such as the Sci-Fi channel. Hey, I had my priorities!
Thanks to my son, who decided to move back home and insisted upon paying me rent I was able to manage the household expenses without giving up too much and I even got the mortgage back up to speed at least what was immediately owed. There was still the lien against it because of Jim’s bankruptcy but that was in his name and I couldn’t worry about it then. Not surprisingly, Jim’s promise to give me $300 a month always fell short and never on time. But I learned not to depend on him anymore.

By summer I was getting use to living alone and frankly, it wasn’t so bad. At least I had the dogs and our cat Pookie for company and of course Jamie when he wasn’t working or at school. Being able to come and go when I pleased had its perks. I could even stay out late with my friends as long as I attended to the dogs first. I even managed to take them for short walks one at a time. I was still hurting a little but I didn’t need the cane anymore.

One June weekend I went to my daughter’s house to visit the grandkids. It was my granddaughter’s birthday and I took both she and her brother out to lunch. During the outing I casually asked Christopher if their grandfather had visited because I was concerned that Jim had forgotten Stephanie’s birthday and also because I was curious of what he had been doing with his life. (Yeah, I was digging for gossip!) He had come to see them and had brought presents for both of them, including a game for Chris’s Nintendo. Jokingly I acted surprise mentioning how Jim was not very techno savvy and I hoped it was something he liked. His answer shocked me. He said, “Oh Robin had picked it out.”
Robin, that name! I knew that name! If I had been suddenly hit by lightning I couldn’t have been more shocked. So, the ‘friend’ he was living with was a woman! Not only that but someone I was vaguely aware of.
In the summer of 2002 Jim had needed surgery for a herniated disk. It required him to be out of work for a few weeks. During that time I had dealt with the paperwork for his leave of absence from work and I had talked often to the Human Resource Director at his job whose name was Robin. She would call or I would with updates on his progress and I had even sent her a ‘thank you’ note for the fruit basket sent by the office to him. I even put her on my Christmas Card List for heavens sake! Just how long had this been going on? Driving to the restaurant I was numb. My curiosity and imagination was going wild but I did not want to question Chris any further. I did not want get him involved or feel that he was betraying any possible secrets. I put on a happy face and we enjoyed the afternoon. When I took them home I said nothing to Elizabeth. Obviously she knew the truth and was caught in the middle. I would not add to that by asking her to compromise. I knew she loved her father and me. I didn’t want or expect her to take sides. This was my problem. Now I just needed to confirm it. After all, I knew where she lived.

That evening after I got home, I looked up Robin’s address in my database. Then I called Joy. The address was in the same small town Joy lived in. I told her what had happened. We decided to stake out the place the next morning, a Sunday. I got to Joy’s early and we headed out in her car. Jim would have noticed mine right away and this was a reconnaissance mission. Stealth was needed.
The address led us to a community of condominiums. The townhouse number was plainly visible and as we drove past it, there was Jim’s car outside in one of the assigned spaces. I had prepared myself for this shock wave. I was not upset, I was not emotional. I accepted the truth. The marriage was over. It was somehow a relief, and I was now truly ready to get on with my life.