Chapter X -The Announcement

The very next morning as I dragged my tired bones out of bed (I hate mornings!), and went through the routine of trying to figure out what to wear, I couldn’t get the ‘check’ out of my mind. It had been bothering me all night. Something about it just wasn’t ‘kosher’. It was double what it should have been. The lawyer’s first letter had stated that my share was to be half of a ten thousand dollar CD. Uncle Morris was supposed to get the second half. There must have been a mix up. Was I suppose to mail him half the funds? I decided to call the Law firm later that day and question its authenticity.
The dogs were sprawled across the bed in their usual position so I guess Jim had come early like he had been doing of late to take them out. He would come around five in the morning and take them for their walk which was really ridiculous, but typical. I guess he would do anything to avoid having to see or talk to me. On the night stand he had left some cash, his bi-weekly ‘contribution’ of $150.00.
While I searched for shoes, I happened to notice something that I had been oblivious of the night before. There was an empty space in the entertainment/bookcase in the bedroom. The VHS player was missing. I guessed Jim had decided to take it as one of the things he wanted from the house. Well at least he left the CD player and the TV! At least I had the DVD player downstairs in the living room. I guess I could do without it for now I just wondered what other items he had chosen to take to his new place and share with her. “What ever!” I would just buy all new things when I moved!
As I headed downstairs there were other things I found missing, the most obvious being a framed print of a painting by Lee Teter called ‘Vietnam Reflections’ on the wall in the living room. It is a very moving portrait of a business man standing at the Vietnam Wall in Washington DC touching the wall and reflecting on the comrades who did not return. I had given Jim this picture for Father’s Day one year. We had been to the memorial together. Jim was a vet and he had wanted me to see it. I was glad he had chosen to take it with him. At least he had something I had given him.
There were a few other items as well. A few DVD’s, and pictures of the kids and dogs including Abba, our great white Pyrenees whom we had for nearly twelve years and ruled the house. I guess the house still had some fond memories but right now I didn’t want to wallow in the past, I just wanted to start anew.
At work I was feeling pretty good about myself and the future and I was anxious to share it with my sisters. Joy and I sat in her office and I regaled her over coffee and Danish with a monologue of my trip. I then asked if she, Jan and Ann could come over for dinner the next night as I had important news to tell them. I had decided to get them all together so that I could get their input of my crazy scheme and to judge their reaction. We called Ann to ask if she would be busy and then Jan. I was relieved that they all said yes but not surprised. They had been my stanch supporters and allies since this had all begun and even before that they had been my closest friends.
I tried to call the Lawyer at his office but was told that he would be on vacation for the week, so at lunch I went to the bank and deposited the check along with the cash Jim had so ‘generously’ given me. At least while I was waiting to hear back from the attorney the money might as well earn some interest!
After work I went grocery shopping, took the dogs for a walk, then sat down to make a call to Elizabeth. I was sure that Jamie must have said something to her but I wanted to talk to her about it as openly as I could. Surprisingly Jamie had said nothing. What a good son. He didn’t want her hearing about it second hand.
Liz was amazingly excited for me. She had nothing but high praise for my decision and was completely in agreement with my resolution. She even went so far as to call me “a renaissance woman” in taking such a big adventurous step.
This was a surprise considering our first conversation after Jim’s announcement to her and her brother that he was ending it. We had talked on the phone at work where she said that she was not surprised by the news. She had been very direct saying that she knew it was coming, after all we rarely talked to each other any more and that we would be better off separating. Those words had stung at the time and the coldness with which she had spoken had hurt deeply. I had taken it as a reproach and that somehow she had felt it had been my fault for what had happened. It had taken me awhile to get over it but I had come to realize in some ways she had been right. I had taken things for granted and had put blinders on because I could not face the truth. Liz was so much like my mother, direct and practical. Mummy would never let me waddle in my own self pity nor let me put the blame on someone else. “Your life, your responsibility” she was fond of saying. Elizabeth was just reiterating that fact in her own words.
But now she was praising me for my spirit to take a leap and do something utterly unpredictable and different. And she was backing me one hundred percent.

The girls arrived the next evening. It was the first time they had all been to my house for dinner or for any occasion except Joy. As we sat down and passed around the food I told them I had an announcement to make. Jan gave a mocking look of uh oh ‘what happened now’? I told them of my trip and some of the things I had done, seen and liked. Then I told them of all the new construction of homes being built and how my Uncle had taken me around to some of the newest houses and how he was a real estate broker. Then I showed them the brochures I had brought back with me of some of the models I had seen. Finally I told them of my desire to move to Albuquerque within a year. “That’s terrific”; “Wow”; “you go girl!” These words all came without hesitation or reservations. They were really happy for me and very supportive. We then sat around discussing plans of selling the house, getting on with the divorce, and finding a job. Joy and Ann suggested looking into a transfer with the Company. We knew that we had offices in the Southwest and retail stores in Albuquerque but did they have a business services division in the region. I would have to check but all three were confident that with my skills and mind set I could easily find a position, but we agreed that I would have to have one in place before I moved.
The rest of the evening we just sat around and talked, taking pot shots at Jim, wondering what to do with the animals and how much work I would need to do on the house before trying to sell it. Most importantly was getting it in my name and what other compensations I would want from the divorce.

The next day I went to work invigorated and feeling very organized and determined. I searched our company web page to see if there were indeed any offices in New Mexico and was delighted to fine that we had a business division in Albuquerque. The best part…there would be a job opening up in the summer for an office administrator. They currently had a temp who would be leaving in August of next year because her husband was to be transferred to the East Coast. When the company budget was determined in June the job would then be posted. Here was clue number three that I was on the right track.
I breezed through the day feeling so good I was worried that I was somehow dreaming this whole thing. Could my luck be this good? Everything seemed to be coming together so well. This was the best birthday month I had had in a very long time.
I knew there would be a lot of things I still needed to do, after all there was no guarantee that I would be able to get the job, but I at least had an inside tip to go on, and a strategy to work with.
Ann called and said she would meet me at my house after work because she wanted to give me something. I didn’t have a clue of what she was up to. When she arrived on my doorstep I had to laugh. She was carrying a load of flatted boxes and bubble wrap all brand new. As we sat them on the table I made the comment “trying to get rid of me already?” to which she replied, “well, if we’re going to do this, we might as well do it right!” I had to agree. No procrastinations, no delaying, just forge ahead and get to work. We started with the dinning room.

Chapter IX - The List

Plane trips have a very soothing affect on me. I love it because it is the closest I can get to floating on a cloud. Of course my real desire is to float in outer space, but that’s another quest entirely and one I do not realistically foresee in my immediate future. But the possibility of moving out of my home state and across the country was a real possibility and an exciting prospect.
Usually a half hour after reaching altitude and cruising speed I am fast asleep. Plane rides do that to me, but not this trip. I was wide awake and my mind was going warp speed with images of living in New Mexico. No more cold winters and piles of snow. No more March winds and April rain clouds that overshadow the whole city and leave a gloomy pallor before fulfilling the promise of spring days to come. No more depressing Novembers where the trees stand naked and sad without their leaves and flowers swaying in the summer breeze. And no more Jim! Okay, that’s a bit much. I would be missing the bright colors of spring, the weekend trips to the shore and the two weeks of the brilliant palate of fall colors covering the country sides, but there still would be no Jim.
I am not unaware that New Mexico is basically a desert with cactus, tumbleweeds and only small patches of green grass. And then there is the fact that there are few rivers and no lakes and no ocean view. But it also has magnificent sunsets of red and orange and a mountainous area where the sun and moon rise in a glorious fanfare. And it displays the night sky with more dazzle and sparkle then I could ever find in New Jersey. It could fill my dreams with renewed spirit and renewed self worth.
Of course there were other things to consider, Elizabeth and Jamie and the grandkids, my dearest and closest friends who had become my sisters in every way and my sister Chris whom I rarely got to see but whom had always been in my thoughts especially after Mummy had died. How would they perceive my plans? Would they think harshly of my wanting to escape and find adventure far away?
Technically, New Mexico was only 6 hours away but it would mean planned visits instead of just getting into my car and driving down the road. In New Mexico I would be pretty much on my own. Yes there was Uncle Ron but he was getting up in age and besides he and Barbara I knew absolutely no one else in the region. Okay, there’s a challenge! Could I get a job, buy a house, adjust to the changes physically, socially, economically and psychologically? Okay, that would be another challenge. Yet everything in my heart cried out that I wanted to try, that I had to try. I was being handed a rare opportunity to explore something different, something totally new and bold.
Reaching under my seat I took out my laptop and began to type. I needed to make a list of what, how when and where. I already had the why. By the time we reached Philadelphia I had an organizational plan. I knew what I needed to do and an idea of how to achieve it.
Phase one would be to tell everyone of my trip and to share my feelings of its impact. This would be the hardest step as I always had trouble expressing my feelings and ideas except when I wrote and that always felt like I was talking about a character in some fantastic work of fiction. This approach would cement my resolve and to get much needed input of just how crazy I was. It would also transform the dream into a reality and goal. Retrieving my bags, I moved toward the exit. Jamie was to pick me up and lucky for him he would be my first test with this crazy idea.
Fortunately Jamie was on time and helpful with the bags. I let him do the driving because even though I was still ‘pumped’ (I think the term is still accurate enough) I knew I would be crashing soon with the time change and jet lag. I first gave him a hug and a kiss and thanked him again for having fronted me for the trip. He considered it my birthday and Christmas present.
For a moment in this narrative I must pause and recall something I missed in the last chapter. I had spent my fifty seventh birthday New Mexico. Rhonda and I, whose birthday is also in November had been taken out by Uncle Ron and Barbara to a fine Italian restaurant in a section of town called Nob Hill. Though the city was way smaller than Philadelphia it still had many of the amenities including nice restaurants and quaint shops. Yes it was another check on the positive side of why I should move to Albuquerque. Another was that Albuquerque had one less letter in its name then Philadelphia, but it’s just as much fun to spell!
Getting back to the drive home I led off by describing some of the many things I saw and liked about the city as well as the many differences. Jamie listened and nodded, asked questions and seemed distantly interested. Children are liked that. It’s so hard sometimes sharing things between two generations these days but that’s the way it is sometimes. As we cruised across the Delaware and into New Jersey I finally popped the news. I told him of my interest and desire to move to New Mexico, sort of a pre- retirement move. He now perked up and seemed excited. He liked the idea and really thought it was cool. (Well ‘cool’ may have not been the real words he used. That’s more my generation.) Anyway he said I should definitely go for it. I knew he wasn’t just saying it for my benefit and that he was really pleased by my decision and my adventurism.
I began to outline the stages I was planning to reach my goal and he offered a number of suggestions, some I had considered already and a few details that would be important in the months ahead. He asked when I thought I would be able to achieve all of this which I had thought long and hard about on the trip home. It was now the beginning of November. My plan was to be able to move hopefully by September the following year, a change of season, a change of life so to speak. My biggest concern was if I could find a job out there. I would have to have one in place before I moved. My second consideration was being able to get our house solely into my hands so that I could sell it and have a ‘stake’. Getting a divorce would be a no brainer. Jim was already pushing me enough for one but I wanted to make sure I got it on my terms and by my rules. I just had to make sure I waited until after March of the following year. That way he could not dispute my claims for cause of desertion.
As we arrived home and I took my first look at the house since four days ago, I was surprised to realize I hadn’t really missed being here. With Jim gone I felt little attachment to it, a void. Thinking further I was ashamed of my feelings. How could I dismiss all the years we had lived here so easily? All I knew was that it made me sad to be here and I had to get away.
Upon entering, the dogs came running up to me as if excited to see me. I was surprised that they were at the house already. Jamie said that Jim had not taken them to his other place but had come by each day to walk and feed them. This was sad. What was he thinking? Was he trying to abandon them as well? This was unbelievable! I accepted his leaving me but these two I thought he would care more about. Thank goodness Jamie had been around for part of the days even though he worked and went to school at night. Tired as I was we took them for a walk and I tried to make since of the strange turning of events. It was like seeing the man I married turn into a stranger made of stone. Now I was more determined to move away, and I decided that somehow I would be taking the dogs with me if I had to. Unless Jim was willing to explain his lack of empathy by not having been with them while I was gone, he didn’t desire to keep them. It would be hard taking the two of them but it would be worse separating them.
Returning to the house, all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and fall into my own bed. After all I had to go back to work the next day. I noticed on the kitchen counter a stack of envelopes. Jamie had piled the mail neatly for me. As I went through it, I noticed an envelope with the name of a law firm on it. Opening it there was a letter and a check attached to it. It was from my late aunt’s attorney. The check was for $8,900.00! What the heck! I had been expecting half that much! I just stared at it and smiled. Whoo who!! Here was my second clue that I could change my future. I was going to be okay. I was going to make it. I was going to move to New Mexico and have the adventure of a lifetime!